( they/them | he/him | she/her )
I am someone who does not really like writing about themself very much. I've always had trouble figuring out what people might find interesting about me, so I often wind up with a list of facts that I hide behind. So here are some things that are important to me, that I think other people might have found interesting at one point or another
I don't really believe in gender
I was assigned male at birth, which means that when I was born the doctor inspected my junk and decided that I would like the color blue, hate wearing comfortable skirts, repress my emotions, and be naturally good at math. There were a whole lot of other things assumed about me based on what that doctor saw.
Some of them turned out to be true. I do in fact, rather like the color blue, and I did learn to repress my emotions at a rather early age. Other predictions did not turn out to be so accurate. I enjoy wearing skirts, and I've learned to engage my emotions, and sometimes even to express them.
More importantly, as Glinda suggests wickedness was thrust upon Elphaba, I've grown to feel as though I've had gender, had maleness, thrust upon me by others. But I don't really feel like a man. I don't feel like a woman either. I don't care for the term agender, because it feels clinical and as though gender is a real identifiable thing that does not exist solely in our heads. I'm ok with the terms Gender Non-Conforming (GNC), and Non-Binary (NB). I primarily think of myself as gender-ambivalent or gender-suspicious.
Please don't waste your time trying to educate me to the reality that there are only two genders and they are fixed and tied to our anatomy. Science disagrees, and has disagreed for quite a while.
I'm a big old nerd
There are a lot of different definitions of nerd out in the world, but this definition via Venn Diagram is my favorite.
I apologize that I cannot source this image, but it is one of those ever-present internet images whose original source is lost forever. Example
There are many types of nerds. Computer nerds. Gaming nerds. General Knowledge nerds. I think of myself as a meta-nerd. The thing that really fascinates me more than anything else is systems. The way things interrelate and interconnect is endlessly fascinating for me. This applies to computers of course, but also to sociology, rhetoric, philosophy, religion, physics, psychology, crochet, finance, liturgy and a whole host of other things. Obviously I can't actually get nerdy about all of those things -- oh wait, actually I can. No, seriously. I love all of those things.
True story, one of the most difficult and constant things in my life is my inability to spend all of my time learning and talking about all of those things at the same time. This sometimes prevents me from sleeping well because I get super-busy inside my head thinking.
I love teaching
I didn't put pedagogy in my list of things I nerd out about above, but it definitely belongs. One of the consequences of the type of nerd I am is that I love to discuss the things that I'm into, and because I think of everything as belonging to systems and interrelationships I'm fairly capable of breaking things down into explainable parts.
When I put my mind to it.
When I don't put my mind to it I ramble incoherently and jumble all of my thoughts together as though everyone around me is actually riding the same chaotic caffeine fueled analogy-train that I'm on.
This is the best cat in the world
Her name is Vivianne and she is perfect. She is also ancient (at least 14), but she is not allowed to ever die.
I'm almost certainly autistic. I grew up before diagnosis was as common as it is now, and before educators and parents knew what signs to look for. My partner John mentioned to me that a lot of my, shall we say "quirks?", remind him of people he's known who were autistic. At first I didn't think much about it, but as I was exposed to more information and material on autism it became apparent that I exhibited, and continue to exhibit, a lot of common behaviors and experiences associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Through a lot of research and lots of conversations with Autistic people diagnosed both formally and informally I have come to accept that I am autistic. I have not sought out a formal diagnosis for a number of reasons. This is a good article about Self-Diagnosis or Informal Diagnosis.
Autism Self-Diagnosis is not Special Snowflake Syndrome -- Read the comments too, there is a lot of excellent conversation there.
I'm fortunate in that I generally have low-support needs related to autism, due partly to many years of very finely honed coping mechanisms, partly to luck, and partly to being in a career that affords me a great deal of latitude and expects me to be unusual. If I were growing up today, and if my parents were more open to psychology, I am pretty certain I would be identified and diagnosed. I say "almost certainly" above because I think it's important to remain aware of ourselves and our fallibility. I know that my self-identification as autistic has provided me comfort, community, and tools that have made my life better and increased my self-awareness and understanding of self. That's enough for me.
Sewing machines are witchcraft
I know exactly how they function. I've seen this gif like a thousand times.
Still, I am convinced their is something dark and sinister about what's going on here.
I crochet things for fun
I like to make blankets and things like that.
I do computer things
I'm a software engineer. I love being a software engineer. Building things and making them is something that, it turns out, I'm good at and that I really enjoy. Right now I work mostly with data and database development in the Microsoft stack.
No, I won't fix your website for you. Well maybe if you ask nicely and there are brownies involved.
I really like brownies
I'm Pansexual, Poly, and Kinky as fuck
As I mentioned above, I don't really think gender is a thing. One of the products of not believing gender is a thing is that gender really isn't very important to me when it comes to relationships. Like all people I have tastes and preferences. I am more likely to be attracted to androgynous people. I have a particular weakness for people who are short or tall.
I'm partnered to John, who is amazing, and a head shorter than I am. We are poly, which means that we believe there's nothing wrong with being in more than one romantic or sexual relationship at a time. I am a relationship anarchist, which basically means that every relationship is different, and I think that the taxonomy that we've culturally created around relationship types is a ridiculous and moralizing edifice which holds no inherent value; and that relationships are best when they are considered and considerate. That is to say that relationships of all kinds take effort, and we need to approach people as individuals, not categories.
I'm also hella kinky. The range of experiences the human body is capable of is very wide. I am very sensitive to light, sound, and physical sensation (see above re: me being autistic), and that sensitivity has given me an interesting relationship with sensation. For most of my life I've been interested in a wide range of physical sensations, including sensations that many people prefer to avoid. I enjoy the full range of sensations as well as exchanging authority and power with those who I am intimate with.
Also, I think rope is nifty
I'm Queer. I think that's probably pretty obvious if you've gotten this far. I mean queer not just in that I'm in the LGBTQIA umbrella. When I talk about queerness I'm actually talking about something bigger.
I'm strange. I'm odd. I am apart from the main current of our culture, and that makes me othered. To be queer is to be othered. In my culture, sexual or gender transgression makes you othered and queer. In other cultures and other places different groups have been the outcasts, the heretics, the queer ones. I am queer because I transgress involuntarily and with intent to do so.
I also write about technology and other non-witchy things at Queer Nerd